Tour guide...
Especially this summer, I have felt as though I'm a professional tour guide for my children. Parker is eight and Weston is six and more so now than ever I feel the need to create adventures for them. Thankfully the three littles are easily entertained. When I was a child, my sister, cousins and I were always on an adventure, one that we would create. It could have been hunting for salamanders so we could go fishing later, climbing through windows of abandon houses while dreaming up scary stories about the people that once lived there, or walking on trails deep into the woods to the treehouse and beyond. We were off, the backdrop of our cottage was enough. Enough for us to quickly start a game of indian ball, or swing for hours on the tree swing, or sneak into the back of the tabernacle while the evening church service was in session. Being together was satisfying while sitting around the campfire singing the songs that were going on at the church camp below, or swimming at the lake for hours. Maybe our parents suggested these adventures, maybe they pointed us in the right direction. To my knowledge this was all on our own accord, we created the adventures, we were the tour guides.
My children need me to point out the fun that lays before them. They will quickly become bored and restless and it can be frustrating. Here we are in the dead of summer with zero schedule - go make the fun! But it's like they don't see it, it's like they are numb to things that I found engaging while growing up. Why? iPads? XBOX? Is the instant gratification that comes with playing these games and the lack of physical effort it takes to go on a virtual adventure causing my boys to not see the experiences that lay before them?
It has been a battle to unplug, they crave screen time. I am the bad guy by trying to insert other activities while their default is always their device. At one point this summer I thought to myself, what are we doing wrong? What have we done in creating this electronic monster, this obsession. My husband and I feel fully responsible for the boys' need for their device, when you have three littles only 15 months a part, so at one point in our lives three babies age 1 and under, the iPad or XBOX becomes an easy way to distract, while we tend to the chaos. How did we let it get to this?
Needless to say, I have become the tour guide, offering up opportunities at every moment for my big boys to relish in - scavenger hunts on the hillside, pretend battles with shovels, chipmunk hunts, reading on the rocking chairs, afternoons at the lake. When we got home it's been seeking out friends, riding bikes, nerf wars, and taking time to write (Weston is my fiction writer, while Parker would prefer to document our day). We are starting to break the cycle, but it's been a tough one.
I started thinking about this idea of me being a "tour guide" and how at first that felt very negative. But isn't that my role as a parent, to be their tour guide for life? I am here to model good manners, provide a sounding board when something is tough. I am offering them opportunities to stretch and grow and find out who they will be. I am guiding them through the pits and peaks of life and am their emotional coach when they are frustrated, heartbroken, or sad. That is my job as a parent, to be their guide, to show them the way. As much as I thought at times this summer "why don't they see it?" that's where instead of being frustrated I needed to accept that this was a moment where they needed me, they needed me to push a little, to open their eyes to the joy that resides in our world. They need us to be patient, to be kind, to be generous with our time, if we aren't, where will they learn these lessons, we are their guide.
Still working on unplugging and helping my boys find joy in things outside of their virtual worlds, but we are getting there and I'm starting to accept that this is what they need from me right now and it's okay. Just like the twins need me to be their safety net, they are at that crazy stage where they have no fear and danger lurks at every turn, and Corbin needs me to help him understand his emotions and how to use his words and not his hands when he is frustrated and to sing and dance to Lion King every evening. My big boys need something different and that is to be their tour guide, to point out the adventures around them, so they can start to really see the world and all of the opportunities that are present for them.
