Finding harmony...
I don't remember the exact conversation that I had with this woman at the grocery store, but there was one thing that she said that left me completely changed. I remember I was attempting to pick up a few groceries while pushing my ginormous double stroller through the aisle and when you have twins you are quite a conversation piece, everyone has a comment to make and wants to take a peak at the babies. You really can't get anywhere quickly and all eyes seem to be on you, so it wasn't a surprise that this complete stranger started talking to me. Well at some point during the three minute conversation, I said something about attempting to find a balance in my life and she responded with, "don't work towards balance, you will never achieve that, your life is not made up of equal parts, try to find harmony."
How profound and how true! I have always thought to myself, I just need to find a balance, but she's right, my family, my career, my personal needs, these are not all equal parts, balance can never be achieved. Think about the definition of harmony - a pleasing arrangement of parts and an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative. Harmony is agreement, accord, tranquility, peace. There is no measurement, no weighing of importance, no scales. My life is my narrative and there are varied experiences, a number of paths, and relationships with people that lend itself to one story. One avenue is not greater than another, one experience is not more important than the next, one hat I wear is not more valuable than the other.
But how do you find harmony?
People will often ask my husband and I "how do you do it?" The truth is, you just do and you would also. You become brave. There are things that I do with three kids, that I would never do if I only had three kids, but three seems like a breeze compared to five, things like shopping or zoo adventures. It's all perspective. We sometimes think about life with only two or three and even though it's laughable we think "that would be boring." Our beautiful mess is everything to us.
By becoming brave you also lose something, the attempt at perfection. Things won't be perfect whether you have five kids, twelve or two, children are unpredictable, it's about being flexible and forgiving. It's about reminding yourself that the tantrums are not a reflection of you, it's a child learning about the world and their emotions. It's about knowing how to respond in a way that guides them down the right path. Harmony can never be achieved if a heavy weight on your shoulders is how other's view you, or appeasing others. Your family has to be at the center.
On the quest for harmony you not only become brave, but you gain a sense of appreciation. I try every day to pause, to look around me and to be thankful. I often do this in the form of pictures, those are the moments I capture and post on social media as a way of preserving the calm, being thankful for my blessings. God chose me to raise these five beautiful souls and I want to relish in it, even when it's hard.
Harmony also means being okay with each day looking different. Some days I feel extremely accomplished at home, while work is barely afloat and other days I am so proud of the things that were produced at work, but then home seems like it's unraveling. Balance could never be achieved because family and work are not equal, but with harmony it's about finding a calm between the two, an ebb and flow. Remember that harmony is a pleasing arrangement of parts. It's not perfection, it's about capturing the good and working through the hard moments.
I'm still working on finding harmony, but I really think it's the exact mindset I need. When I went back to work after having the twins, I often questioned what I was doing. How could I be a mom of five and still have a full time job? I thought I needed balance. I soon realized that once I searched for harmony, a pressure was released. I still struggle, I still seek perfection as a mother, a wife, an educator. But I work diligently to see how all of the hats that I wear flow together and support one another. Harmony means tranquility - a stillness, a calm. When you are at peace with your life, you find it.
It's a work in progress and my husband and I like to say this is our "new normal." My hope every day is that this new normal has a sense of harmony all wrapped into one.
